Anal 101

When I was on FetLife, I saw a LOT of posts where people confessed to sticking household objects up their bums. And by a lot, I mean it was a daily occurrence. I’m going to tell y’all here and now you should not be doing this. I don’t care if it’s a hairbrush handle, a broomstick or a cucumber (all objects I’ve heard of folks using) do not stick anything up there that isn’t designed for anal use. Why? I’ll tell you, yay!

Firstly, if it doesn’t have a flared base, it can get stuck up there & you will need a trip to the ER to have it surgically removed. Secondly, if it’s not made of a body safe material it can cause all types of harm like an infection or even a chemical burn. And lastly, a random object may not be entirely smooth, and anything jagged could tear your delicate tissues.

So buy sex toys designed for your butt. Always. I love Njoy Pure Plugs and the Colours Wave Pride Edition 6 Inch Silicone Rainbow Dildo for butt stuff. (I prefer smaller toys in my ass, but you do you). There’s loads of sex toys on the market for this purpose.

Now that you have selected a toy, remember to also get some lube. I like Sliquid Sassy, which is a slightly thicker water based lube. I use water based lube for everything, because I love silicone toys & they require it. (You cannot use silicone lube with silicone toys in most cases & I don’t want to risk it). Your ass does not naturally lubricate, so use lube! And then, when you think you’ve used enough lube, add a little more. You can even get a lube shooter to make sure you get lots and lots up where it needs to be.

My best advice for anal is to relax! Your sphincter contracts if you are nervous, and in my experience it won’t relax easily if you aren’t relaxed. Have an orgasm or two before you even start with the butt stuff. To just insert a toy cold with no warm up can cause discomfort, believe me. But once you’re good & turned on, it should be fairly easy to insert a toy. Patience is key here. Go slow, don’t just jam the toy in.

Some people like to do a water enema before anal play. This never appealed to me, and I really feel if you or your partner is that squeamish about the small amount of feces that you might get on an anal toy, then you shouldn’t be doing anal at all. But, if you really feel it’s necessary, then by all means, get an enema kit.

A lot of people have suggested getting a set of plugs and starting off small & “training” your anus by using gradually bigger and bigger plugs, but honestly? I think it has more to do with how turned on and relaxed you are than training your muscles. When I’m good & horny I can insert my large Njoy plug no problem. If I’m just inserting cold, at any time, it’s uncomfortable for a few seconds at first, no matter what I used the day before.

Get to know your body and experiment. Personally I love double penetration, although I have noticed you cannot comfortably do this with two hard toys. I used to have only hard toys and this was a problem I encountered. So if your butt plug is metal, use a silicone dildo and vice versa. All silicone is OK too. Try also using a butt plug during vaginal intercourse, if you have a vagina. You don’t have to have full on anal intercourse to enjoy anal. Do whatever feels most comfortable for you, this is your journey.

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About the author

Nonbinary femme-ish person. Latinx. Sex blogger. Poly. Photographer. Knitter. Makeup Artist. Bird & cat person. Converting to Judaism. Dominant Bottom. Fat. Trekkie. Tori Amos fanatic. Singer & songwriter. Disability Activist. Invisibly disabled: chronic pain patient with mental illness. Pansexual with a strong preference for women, cis or trans. They/them.

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